SANITY ABSOLUTE

When I Touch Upon Human Lives

2005-04-08T09:58:00.000-07:00

Intoxicated I am with unexplained emotions, unrelated thoughts. And only then I do I want to write. For ears are deaf, minds are focused with unseeing eyes, and mentalities still as morning waters. So quite are those people, their images that caress my mind flicker as in a silent movie. I am insane to be able to predict their actions. Predict their words. I do not think myself clever; on the contrary I must be insane to be this prophetic.
My being so transcendental, has tortured others more than myself. They cannot understand my intentions very well, which need not be explained. It is all instinctual. Not calculating. There is not a thought behind it. I have learned to live with that. That ability to feel, flow and then pay the price.
To feel others is to open a portal into their confused minds. I say confused because they reflect, and by reflecting upon me, they confuse me to them. And that is how I know them, and they never know me. Unable to know me.
Pity then overwhelms me. That is the danger that lies within me, for then they cease to be what they claim . what they claim in desperation for recognition. But what I do recognize is their insecurities, weaknesses and hidden hopes. They too sense that only to recoil in fear. Fear from my reach into their immortality. When that was only my trial to join our humanness. Our frailties.
I am in that sense a very dangerous person. But the evanescent nature of false individuality in people renders me not only harmless, but quite indifferent.
Yet for that same reason I am passionately loved, and greatly remembered. By men who cannot claim me. Men who are forced by their demanded roles into conventionality. Men who prefer me as a fantasy. Prefer that they do not bring me down into those petty struggles in life. Men who prefer to destroy themselves rather than destroym e. They the ones who love me gave me a gift. A fractional taste of that life, so as I would ascend back. There where for them I eternally should belong. Untarnished.
I have grown to believe that that is my place. A place where I am greatly alone, till death us do part. Where my purity is preserved. My sanity absolute.

COME MY WAY KISS THY ASS

2005-04-02T07:22:00.000-08:00

An ass pass
And I cannot surpass
the urge to kiss
thy ass
Twin peaks
Just like cheeks
Rosy and pink
Like a monkey's ass
Should I kiss the left or the right
I ponder
As my heart keeps going fonder
For your ass my dear
So near
Simply shows a smear
of past kisses
gropes and sqweezes
I simply cannot resist
oh I must insist
for you to bend
And kiss thy ass

THE END

Just got back home, too much law. I thought a poem is in order .I love it I hope you do too. it was necessery humor is a wonderful outlet. what spurred it do not ask it is completly irrelevent. I just wanted to pay respect to all those beautiful Ass's out there who are greatly apreciated by potatoes! khikh khikh khikh

Fear Of A Kiss

2005-03-11T10:10:00.000-08:00

Now I am fire. Inside of me flames constantly sway in accordance to doubtful winds, They scatter. Scatter to warm my lips caressing his, I pull away with a tentative smile for I do not wish to offend. They scatter again to warm the imprints of his lips on my neck, breasts, hand, my forehead. And I want to bolt out of his embrace. My mind aflame by brutal honest words said to me with consiquential bluntness. I who seek to understand face his emptiness, while I want to encounter his soul? his passion? the life within him? I do not know for that I do not demand.
That was the agreement.
And because of confusion his kiss instills in me I must assume a role. Because I am stunned by the lack of sexual flavour to his kiss. For all the experience that arms me against overwhelming sensations I am simply desarmed by his kiss. dammit I know what he is. A pompouse self assured dandy of a man. Trapped in the misgivings of a past, stubbornly amenable to the other extreme of past values. Yes I have been warned. It was not kept a secret and I embrace the choices of others.
But the alchemy of this understanding and what this man truely is poduced desasterous effects of an unexplainable origin, for a kiss to unviel.
I distinctly remember each kiss, and me pulling away, soon as I feel the weakness seeping into my bieng, where I feel I can forgive him anything, and my true nature will be revealed. I pull away and assume a role.
In honor of the agreement.
Alas with his kiss my eyes have become open wide, and I see. And although not much has been shared I am able to see beneath his layers and claims. And his own asumed roles. Oh how much harmless trickery and small lies, unhurtful lies were involved. I simply chose not to listen, not to reprouch, not to investigate. A forged indifference. Because of what I can see in him, and for the sake of him maintaining his farse I obliged. I tricked and lied and assumed roles , Banishing the parts of me that he would find horrifyingly sentimental yet laughable. And for fear of hearing his visciouse laughter I retreated into my assumed roles for protection against his assumed roles of petty accusations and doubtful insecurities.He is like a woman. Not a consiquence crossed my mind, for I believed I was giving him what he wanted.
A detachment.
But his kiss. His embrace belong to a gentle soul. I will tell of his kiss. His lips have touched mine and I marveled at thier smooth softness, a softness that delivers a pleading caress for me not to make him hurt me. He parts my lips to recieve my mouth fully, to tell me to come back even when his words insist on my dismissal. His hands cup my face and neck and with the warmth of the sensation of falling in love. My mind and his hiss with it's impossibility. This realization so accute I pull away.
His embrace always sudden, also the same. a bout of feelings he chooses not to control, and I never watch out for, taking me by surprise, for in reality they shouldn't exist. He is mental and I am immersed in the role demanded of me.
I do not know how to react but to be nonchallant and flippant afterwards for I know I am to be oblivious. And like a man I leave without a backward glance. I step out of the door inviting distracting thoughts of the immnesly important things I must do. And like a man I promise nothing. But I have been cought with feminine glimpses of me, I have seen them in his eyes and crooked, knowing smile.My frailties.
Chaos brought on by his kisss. I do not know who is to blame. Him even though mentally controlled, he is physically transperant. Me for bieng humanly attuned to men and not taking their moments for granted. Good god where is my detachment?

Commonly Wierdened

2005-02-26T12:52:00.001-08:00

She who does not want to belong in the common world, Has subdued herself in her created world. She shares he world. Others who found themselves in it experience a submergance that leads to think her an anigma. While she is simple, spontenuos and honorable.
They find themselves in a state of consternation, for the degrees of seperation is immnese.
While she with her arms outstreached to encompass them, they recoil with insecurity. He r confidance, belief in purity paralise them. A horror to those who insist upon the common world.
They reject. But for her in her world there is no such action. It is simply a mater of choice not pride.
They doubt goodness, for evil exists. while in her world she finds both befriending eachother. Treacheries and lies are the safety of her loves, instead of confiding in them she contains them away from her pain and humane follies, for her understading of human weakness is vast.
Her devilishness is a means to intice minds into greatness, hearts into flames, biengs into laughter and continouse existance in vriouse degrees of space and seperation. Not a vice as it is in the common world aimed to beat man down, decieve and derail.
Jelousy invades her world only to give her a sign, an awarness for what lies within her. Not a poison to sneak into others grail, for she has a terror of anger corroding her.
Simple. Everything and anything exists. It is all a matter of choice not pride. For everything falls into place in accordance to her transcendental experience of life's cruelty, and human travesty.
And with in her world with it's continouse creaction she is able to give endlessly in the common world. Love profoundly, without discrimination, possesion or expectancy. For human pain strikes her fiercly. And for that forgivness is always a possibility, acceptance a necessity. because the rarety of absolute moments of joy makes her want to create it for others.
For that, her I love. The lose of her is an impossibility because her imortality is eternal. untouchable by the common world.

2005-02-26T12:52:00.000-08:00

The brightness of the color of sunset floods the vast space in your sanctuary.I have seen it many times there. And my mystic lust is stirred. My eyes gravitate on you, taking you in. The whole of you.
How I wish then to kneel infront of you. clutch your hands, bring you down into that pool of light to lie in it with me. Then I would strech my arms up and spread my legs wide to recieve the fading warmth of the sun and let it compete with the rising heat of your lust.
The whiteness of my body will reflect the rays and a halow will be created, surrounding my skin and hair. And I will become an Angel.
An angel fallen from grace for we will be laughing, fucking, teasing. But isn't recieving what angels do inorder to cleans,clarify. Bring one closer to the powers of heaven.
So as one of the Grace's I will reveal to you the abundance of beauty, the innocense of my passion for your sex. And you moving inside of my body of an angle, you will have no currents of thought. Only the flow of desire, the effortless movement in the absorbtion of eachothers flesh.
Only then can we form a graft within ourselves, surrounded by the lightness of bieng. And in our sepration a healthy growth will happen.
And after I will cease to be an angel and you, in my eyes will cease to be my creator.

You Were My Obsession In Betrayal

2005-02-20T15:07:00.000-08:00

I came to Rome to see you. I waited for you at the small square infront of a church in old Rome on the steps of the fountain. I downed two shots of Vodka to fend the cold away and my gittery nerves at finally meeting you after all these years for the first time., My rival. Though you know I am wearing a pink scarve on my head still I hear your voice saying my name asking other poeple if they are me. I jump up laughing to hug your foolish self with my laughter echoing in the night meshing with the echo of yours. Again we become one.
You and me became one once. Before, in the past. It is when you shared my lover's body. He betrayed me with you. from then on you became a damaged part of me that I was never able to part with when I chose to stay with him despite his betrayal.
we started walking with no destination in mind but the past. We talked. stopped while talking, then walk again talking. we stop and I ask you if you remeber my pleading letter to you 3 years ago, to help me understand after I have left him, what it that I am feeling, for no other woman but the one who shared his body and mind can understand. you stood there and said that you do remember, that I came to you for comfort. I tell you how much I love you, for you have embraced me with kind words and severe encouragment. We walk again and you tell me about your pain, the rejection, the abandonment, the insecurity it has all caused you. I stop you to look at you and with my eyes i am kissing you in the hope to take that pain away because you have never told me this. I didnot realize that my status as the girlfriend did not entitle me to suffer greater pain than you, the other woman.
I take your arm and huddle close to you for warmth. It is february and Rome is cold. as your warmth minggles with mine I feel again you and me are one. And I remember the past again how I hated you, resented your constant reapearance in our lives, but I look up at your beautifully chesiled dark face and unruly dark hair and cannot help loving you. we walk together as one and I am remembering my wonderment at who you are. And i cannot believe it that I am holding you so close to me. I listen to your words and see the expressions on your face and I forget my past and only think of your pain, the pain I have over looked. How selfish I have been. and I decided right then that I will give you all I have to mend your scarred soul. I try to convay my feelings to you.
I am walking with a wonderful woman Fatunia, do you realize that? do you know it from my attentivness to your every word and gesture? my eagrness for every breath you take? for every thought your mind inggage?. Can you feel me fetunia? Can you get pass the fact that Iam beautiful and that it is inducing your insecurities again? can you see that it wasn't a matter of a choice between you and me? that it was a choice of you and me. didn;t you see his fear of losing the both of us? You and me rebeliouse women, challenging, endearing, tender in our hardness. can't you see that you and me deserved the love that came our way?
Fatunia we were both loved I assure you. I do know. he loved me yes, and now I know he loved you too, simply because I could not help but fall inlove with you myself.

I Love Woman

2005-02-12T09:50:00.000-08:00

Finally I have gotten the isnpiration I have craved and I have gotten it from the source of life itself. A woman. I have see her today in her full glory. A beauty in honesty. A fearlessness in living I came into contact with. Almost as if the reflection of what I might become lightly caressed me ressuringly, is what a presence of this and other women is.
Woman. I love her misunderstood existance, conflicting needs and confusing wants, still she is mindfull of her control and power. Those she would reliquish for the moments of passion that would destroy a man.
Wonderful creature that can conqeure air, earth and fire, for those elements themselves she only can enfold and release to balance life itself for anyone that is near her.
A fluide mind is that of woman, can evade, direct, immerse or simply put a mind to rest. It is not a game, it is the nature of metamorphosis of all things in life. In that woman stays true to nature, true to the ones she loves,and ones she hates for both ar passions she induldges in. If one thinks a woman needs to be loved to become or to exist in her full glory. it is a mistake. Woman is and always will be the definer of the truth in love.

A Stich Up Devision

2005-01-28T13:20:00.000-08:00

My birth I do not remeber but I have been with her through out her life. Inseperable until the day I seeped out, leaving her to servive with what was left of her.
I remember that day for I am the holder of chaotic memories for her. And in that day she was clutching a piece of paper, in her sweaty hand, containing the information. Clutched so tight and hard her sweat is smudging the words to become " turn back home''. A fragment of my imagination ofcaurse. I contain that for her too for I am her SANITY.
We both enter the doctor's office. I am registering carefully what is bieng discussed. they agree on a sum. She mutters ''I am ready''. At that moment leaped out of her body that contained that submissive heart letting out a demonic silent scream ''for what!ready'' I remind her of our promise. That it is against everything we are and ever will be. I wisper into her deafend ear ''A man who doesnot appriciate our experience in al matters is not a man to be reckoned with''.
She stood up slowly and walked the walk of the defeated behind the Dr. heading for the operating room. But I was relentless I folow her closely and kept up the rambling flow into her waxy ear ''our virginity a gift? a tocken of loe and honour?'' the Dr.comes between us somehow he must have gone through me, I still do not realize my seperated state is null. .I barely slip in when he was closing the door behind him, and it seems the door has hit me but I look at the left side of my supposed existance and ofcause I see nothing.
Inside the OR I find a mirror while I look into it and its reflection of all the suroundings of the room but me, the ubserdity of the notions I spoke out intensified and I laugh hysterically at the men who demand virginity as a requirment in thier partner. Wait I am sanity I must stop. As i realized what I am I tried movement. I found that I am agile. i can glide, float, soar.
Up to the cieling I look down on her. A body without me. She is lying on the table. Her top is on but her legs are bare and spread. Her thighs tremble though her knees are up and her feet are firmly planted on smooth sufrace of the table. a stable position yet her thighs tremble.
I descend to stad behind her to look down on her face. I find shamful silent tears streaming donw the sides of her face, wetting her ears and hair. Yet she does not move her hands to wipe the tears away. her hands are interwined tightly the knuckls are while, she has placed them above her chest where her heart should be. For fear of it's desersion too. Now a body and a heart with out me I see.
I look up from her face and stare intently at the Dr. who placed himself between her knees. To me he looks like a gremlin, fevrishly lifiting his arm up with a grubby hand holding a black string. another arm appears as the first disapears,in tandem. sowing vigirously. I cannot look at him or her, so I sweep under the table to hide from the scene. I find dripping from the edges of the table blood. I look down on the floor and I am surounded by wide puddles of blood by hwat has seemed like only droplets.
The Dr.has finished. he asks her to press this pad against her grion and lie down for a while for the bleeding to cease. He leaves. se picks up her phone and says she is very alone. And that she is cold. No the dr. is not here. No no blankets. Crying she says she is awfully cold that she is alone. No nobody is wiaiting. she came alone. Now she is just alone and cold. seeng she is bieng misunderstood she says she will cross the border tomorrow and will be home then.
I follow her to the bathroom the Dr. showed her inorder for her to wash up.I stand watching her clean herself gently what must be very tender and saor. thinking she is finished she stands up to find blood trickeling down her inner thighs so fast puddles started forming on the bathroom floor. I watch her as she bends in pain and atempts to wipe the floor with toillet paper. Wipe the mess se fears the secretery outside will see and then know what she came in for. I want to shake her tell her to demand help, but we have relinquished eachother. she looks back for traces but she has done a good job. She is in mor epain now and it is increasing rapidly but she wants out.
I follow her out of the Dr's office into the streets. we stop at the pavment before she crosses the street she waves at me as if asking me to move because she cannot see the traffic from me. I forget my true state and realize i am transperant and her wave was but a wave for me to go away and leave her once and for all. I stood watching my shell cross the street heading for the pharmacy. This is when we seperated.
We reunited Two years a go. But before that I visited her briefly in her lucid dreams. She was always full of laughter. But now that she recieved me, her sanity back her laughter's source in happiness I provide for I go insane for her hearts desires.

Want Of Feeling

2005-01-26T23:54:00.000-08:00

Never was a beauty. My attraction lies in the expresivness of my features. I am laughably plain compared to the batrayal of my face. The betrayal of every emotion revolving around my thought is illuminated for the reciever to see. For that sole reason poeple have fallen inlove with me without knowing who I am, or hating me imnesly for the confusion it stirs.
I am cursed with the ability to sense other people struggling within themselves, so deep, right there in the darkest depth of thier souls I reach. There I find beautiful insight and a painful recognition. The condition humane where lies the danger of fusion.
This is when I embraced a form of life the gift of feeling.that breath and demand. Rues are made to control feelings, cripple them, for they are obsticles in the face of a realist, a danger to a pesimistic existintialist. To me they lead to deliciouse inner madness. I defied those rules, refused the social definition of pride and self control, poise. Descarded reserve and conventionality and stood naked infront of everyone. I am shamless.
I have begged for mercy I begger when the lose was unbearable for I believed it might take away the pain. Even when the lose was of an unhealthy love I begged. A love of wanting to posses,digest, spiting out the remains of a human I thought I was loving.I was shamless and I begged him for mercy. or was it the truth in disguise. Blind with rage I chose to beg in place of revenge. this way I stayed true to myself. My pride was not broken or corroded. My pride remained smoldreing and strong, because the morals of the avarage man are unacceptable to me. I live by other values.
My most vaulrable traits socially considered a weakness, an extreme, an excess. to me it is the only way to live. A tremendouse ability to forgive is what I found with in me through who has hurt me. A kindness so profound the crulest man and ignorant woman will find a place in my heart and care.
I am shamless. I as a woman have used my body to posses and satisfy, at that time it was the only way to seek and express love. My bodys influense became so strong it has harmed me and others more than anything then. It has driven the man I love away. After that I have learned how to love, I peserve my body's power in egniting the basic man woman attraction, no longer a vice. I became kind to my body and realized it's submission to my orders. and I am kind to it when it simply gives away.
How I became like that. I was not born this,is a mistery even to me. A mistery to poeple who come in contact with me, seeing this truth that is reflected in my face alone. Has often resulted in disbelieve and mistrust. And After all I get hurt, but it is worth it. Because I try and not trying is what I regret the most. Because if I do not try I will never be true to myself when I only know what it is I want.

Unfinished Business

2005-01-19T01:43:00.000-08:00

Daphne And Apollo
Not finsihing my darwings is one of the indications of what kind of person I am. Till now I have not finished anything I started. I have recently discovered that this my way of not commiting to anything, for I am unwilling to burn any bridges behind me therfore nothing is impossible.

One Night Stands

2005-01-11T22:14:00.000-08:00

Women regard one night stands in general as offeding behaviour towards themselves, although deep down most of them long to be able to have sex for the what really is sometimes. Fucking.
A mind state where a woman unleashes the wild child and sensual woman all wrapped into one.
I tell you a story of one:

Everynight she runs on her way back home after a night out with her friends. She took up this habit of running back home after all that has happened. It has become unbearable for her to live peacfully, to live alone, running shortened the time, for if she walked it will give her mind a wandering quality into remeberance of rejection, failure, an endlessly winding road of unwidnening.
One night she chose a man from the group she met in this town. He has seen her run home before. It ade him smile in wonderment eachtime she did that so when she asked him to walk with her he could not refuse her.
They walked across the town that war has touched upon. It has changed, it held her childhood memories once but now everything is astray. The poeple of this town lets it's simple beauty rot, for they have given up.
They reached a park near her block. Every fwe blocks there is a park for children to play. They sit on one of the benches that circle the little park. One of the pannels on the wooden bench is missing, trees around them drooping, chains of the swings missing, colours of the slides faded, but she does not mind, for she is locked in the past and in the past everything is still the same. Beautiful. Alive.
In the darkness he speaks in wispers. She on th other hand charms. The blond head of the man did not notice the cloud she was breathing life into with her lulling voice at first. It's rythem intensifies by her accent when she speaks in his language, her small mouth formed gentle brightening future against his dispair. With her strong arms and gracful fingers she weaved for him the path of hope. The cloud enveloped him when she moved and sat herself o his lap.
She wrapped her thin legs around his thighs hiking up he already short skirt further. She put her out behind her to lean on them but threw her head back laughing when she couldn;t find the missing wooden pannel. Instead she circled her arms arond his neck. He leaned his head against her forhead telling her a tenderness of a woman he hasn't felt for a long time. In reply she caressed his back and felt his sadness from the touch of him. Her own urged her to kiss his face with those same small lips, lips that warmed up from the intensity of thier combined sadness and reached for his.
Kissing she unbottoned his jeans and hiked her skirt up further until it disapeared beneath the fold of her top to recieve him. From behind his head she saw a cop aprouching, she cooly pulled him closer to her, held him tighter and rested her head sideways on his shoulder and stopped the rocking movement of her hips. The cop passed them by with a glance and decided not to disturb a couples siple embrace.
They waited until the cop left. he lifted her of him gently and looked at her resentfully for makinghim do this so publicly. Nevertheless he grasps her hand and he leads her hurriedly towards one of the buildings, they descend the stairs that lead to the basement. There he propells her against the wall, she starts to take off her top, he hangs his head down mumbling in his funny English no, no cold. Protesting he places his hand on her chest only to find a warm bare breast.
She wanted him to see her all, to feel all of her. enough with the rejections she pulls him to her. He takes her roughly. She has never been handled roughly , but she does not mind. She wanted him to pound the pain out of her. she lifts her arms above her head and reaches for the protruding bricks in the wall behind her to hold on against his thrusts. She feels the eerie carress of cobwebs on her forearms and hands, but she does not mind. Hs heat, him inside her made her feel alive, desirable, wanted. consciouse of lastlessness she does not mind, for the want of regaining what has been lost is strongly confused with lust.
Finally he picks up her top and clumsly helps het to put it on. He walks her home but she stops him telling him she will be fine on her own. se breaks into a run leaving him standing. He watches her run, as if for life, until she disapears around the corner.
They never spoke again, but they have seen eachother many times, and always she waves to him happly, and he waves back with a sadness that has nothing to do with her. He came to see her before she left the country, yet again they wave to eachother froma far, she with her laughing eyes and a smilling face full of false hope. Him a face of incurable sadness.

2005-01-11T01:22:00.000-08:00

My eyelids flutter open to find his eyes gazing intensly into mine. Eye's so black, all irises.
My body is trapped beneath a man I do not know yet I know his rythem so well, why he chose this moment to take more than I offer I do not know, but I was mesmerized. Mesmerized by what I do not want to see. I saw a tenderness I convinced myself men incapable of, seen the man he cannot find within himself anymore a man he cannot give.
I went further and betrayed myself by not averting my eyes to this invasion. My eyes spoke out to him images of the woman I do not dare fathom in the colors of my bieng.
Gently with my hand on his chest I ease him away to turn my body around,I give my back to him to embrace me from behind praying for obliviosness, that he has seen nothing.

Letter To Selfishness

2005-01-08T10:43:00.000-08:00

I am learning from life not without resistance for it seems to involve change. Change one finds hard to accept because it is painful, a metamorphosis where one sheds a layer of skin to reveal yet another. Some I have put up myself to hide my essence, then I would go bacl and tear it out off me, eachtime I have to face the outcome.
I face you now that you have been revealed. A truly selfish persona, your emergence suffocates the person who has been fighting such a monster's you are dilemma to a demented mind.
You announce your presence. I myself feel that a part of me is evaporating and the stench of the vapor brings tears to my eyes. Not being able to see you nor breath you selfishness insist on placing demands to be recognized, nurtured, doctored and appreciated.
You speak to my mind telling stories of you being my savior while am bodily cornered by your demands for attention. I am pulled and shoved in all directions as I fight for another solution but you.
Selfishness I hear you laughing at my clown like attempts, but I can see you waiting for me patiently, for oh know I am growing tired and will start to settle down soon. In another attempt to fight you I resolve to become a mime,I ignore you and move aimlessly it appears, but for me am desperately going places. Regardless of my attempts you start your lessons, I continue to mime while am trying to hide my note book that holds the results of your lessons. Everything will fall apart if my selfishness is discovered.
Her I hide,she is ugly but oh so kind to me, whn she is present I cannot avert my eyes. Kind selfishness yur posture so grotesque, and your leering face so ugly while you sit in a corner pitifully. People have conflicting feelings about you, some don't mind you, some abuse you, 'some push you away.
I have pushed you away all my life, would not even consider your presence I my life, you disgusted me. Now? Now come to me I have settled down, don't mind my miming it is not for you eyes, it is for the others, the ones that are watching, waiting, expecting resenting. In your eyes the future is reflected in brilliant colors. Do not let your eyes wander selfishness do not mind their stares, the non belief of the onlookers. Do not let the guilt of what you really are sneak up on you and submerge you. It is all an illusion just let me look into your eyes. I will try to learn to love you.

I do not want to die

2005-01-05T13:27:00.000-08:00

I do not want to die,one wishes that upon oneself at times, but that is not what i want.I do not want to die while am trying to become crazy, this is what I wish upon myself, madness. It is my relief, my destiny,when am like this. when I cannot breath and I am feeling weak yet my heart is beating strong it will burst out and kill me. Kill the one who did me wrong, the one who took away all my self control. I lose myself in self pity for I am rediculed, critisized, pushed , forced, manipulated, and above all my body takes control and decides to choke the life out of me, as if I am ordered to leave that body at once for desecrating it. This body that confines me to what I am and what surrounds me. with the distruction of his body I may find peace. I have tired that body that carries an exausted mind. I tired it by accepting, tollerating and not asking for what is my right.
I have been called crazy, irrational all the way stupid. i cannot fight what has been standing for years, my mind even with this tirdness of body won't be tamed, customed, my mind decides to declare war on that body so I can leave , leave to where I do not need protection, for peace will embrace me, me with my misunderstood happiness reflected in my eyes when its gaze comes upon beauty that is everywhere in life. at that moment I feel i am dying and I do not want to die, not with a scarred soul, not without shared termoil.