I do not want to die

I do not want to die,one wishes that upon oneself at times, but that is not what i want.I do not want to die while am trying to become crazy, this is what I wish upon myself, madness. It is my relief, my destiny,when am like this. when I cannot breath and I am feeling weak yet my heart is beating strong it will burst out and kill me. Kill the one who did me wrong, the one who took away all my self control. I lose myself in self pity for I am rediculed, critisized, pushed , forced, manipulated, and above all my body takes control and decides to choke the life out of me, as if I am ordered to leave that body at once for desecrating it. This body that confines me to what I am and what surrounds me. with the distruction of his body I may find peace. I have tired that body that carries an exausted mind. I tired it by accepting, tollerating and not asking for what is my right.
I have been called crazy, irrational all the way stupid. i cannot fight what has been standing for years, my mind even with this tirdness of body won't be tamed, customed, my mind decides to declare war on that body so I can leave , leave to where I do not need protection, for peace will embrace me, me with my misunderstood happiness reflected in my eyes when its gaze comes upon beauty that is everywhere in life. at that moment I feel i am dying and I do not want to die, not with a scarred soul, not without shared termoil.