Fear Of A Kiss
Now I am fire. Inside of me flames constantly sway in accordance to doubtful winds, They scatter. Scatter to warm my lips caressing his, I pull away with a tentative smile for I do not wish to offend. They scatter again to warm the imprints of his lips on my neck, breasts, hand, my forehead. And I want to bolt out of his embrace. My mind aflame by brutal honest words said to me with consiquential bluntness. I who seek to understand face his emptiness, while I want to encounter his soul? his passion? the life within him? I do not know for that I do not demand.
That was the agreement.
And because of confusion his kiss instills in me I must assume a role. Because I am stunned by the lack of sexual flavour to his kiss. For all the experience that arms me against overwhelming sensations I am simply desarmed by his kiss. dammit I know what he is. A pompouse self assured dandy of a man. Trapped in the misgivings of a past, stubbornly amenable to the other extreme of past values. Yes I have been warned. It was not kept a secret and I embrace the choices of others.
But the alchemy of this understanding and what this man truely is poduced desasterous effects of an unexplainable origin, for a kiss to unviel.
I distinctly remember each kiss, and me pulling away, soon as I feel the weakness seeping into my bieng, where I feel I can forgive him anything, and my true nature will be revealed. I pull away and assume a role.
In honor of the agreement.
Alas with his kiss my eyes have become open wide, and I see. And although not much has been shared I am able to see beneath his layers and claims. And his own asumed roles. Oh how much harmless trickery and small lies, unhurtful lies were involved. I simply chose not to listen, not to reprouch, not to investigate. A forged indifference. Because of what I can see in him, and for the sake of him maintaining his farse I obliged. I tricked and lied and assumed roles , Banishing the parts of me that he would find horrifyingly sentimental yet laughable. And for fear of hearing his visciouse laughter I retreated into my assumed roles for protection against his assumed roles of petty accusations and doubtful insecurities.He is like a woman. Not a consiquence crossed my mind, for I believed I was giving him what he wanted.
A detachment.
But his kiss. His embrace belong to a gentle soul. I will tell of his kiss. His lips have touched mine and I marveled at thier smooth softness, a softness that delivers a pleading caress for me not to make him hurt me. He parts my lips to recieve my mouth fully, to tell me to come back even when his words insist on my dismissal. His hands cup my face and neck and with the warmth of the sensation of falling in love. My mind and his hiss with it's impossibility. This realization so accute I pull away.
His embrace always sudden, also the same. a bout of feelings he chooses not to control, and I never watch out for, taking me by surprise, for in reality they shouldn't exist. He is mental and I am immersed in the role demanded of me.
I do not know how to react but to be nonchallant and flippant afterwards for I know I am to be oblivious. And like a man I leave without a backward glance. I step out of the door inviting distracting thoughts of the immnesly important things I must do. And like a man I promise nothing. But I have been cought with feminine glimpses of me, I have seen them in his eyes and crooked, knowing smile.My frailties.
Chaos brought on by his kisss. I do not know who is to blame. Him even though mentally controlled, he is physically transperant. Me for bieng humanly attuned to men and not taking their moments for granted. Good god where is my detachment?
That was the agreement.
And because of confusion his kiss instills in me I must assume a role. Because I am stunned by the lack of sexual flavour to his kiss. For all the experience that arms me against overwhelming sensations I am simply desarmed by his kiss. dammit I know what he is. A pompouse self assured dandy of a man. Trapped in the misgivings of a past, stubbornly amenable to the other extreme of past values. Yes I have been warned. It was not kept a secret and I embrace the choices of others.
But the alchemy of this understanding and what this man truely is poduced desasterous effects of an unexplainable origin, for a kiss to unviel.
I distinctly remember each kiss, and me pulling away, soon as I feel the weakness seeping into my bieng, where I feel I can forgive him anything, and my true nature will be revealed. I pull away and assume a role.
In honor of the agreement.
Alas with his kiss my eyes have become open wide, and I see. And although not much has been shared I am able to see beneath his layers and claims. And his own asumed roles. Oh how much harmless trickery and small lies, unhurtful lies were involved. I simply chose not to listen, not to reprouch, not to investigate. A forged indifference. Because of what I can see in him, and for the sake of him maintaining his farse I obliged. I tricked and lied and assumed roles , Banishing the parts of me that he would find horrifyingly sentimental yet laughable. And for fear of hearing his visciouse laughter I retreated into my assumed roles for protection against his assumed roles of petty accusations and doubtful insecurities.He is like a woman. Not a consiquence crossed my mind, for I believed I was giving him what he wanted.
A detachment.
But his kiss. His embrace belong to a gentle soul. I will tell of his kiss. His lips have touched mine and I marveled at thier smooth softness, a softness that delivers a pleading caress for me not to make him hurt me. He parts my lips to recieve my mouth fully, to tell me to come back even when his words insist on my dismissal. His hands cup my face and neck and with the warmth of the sensation of falling in love. My mind and his hiss with it's impossibility. This realization so accute I pull away.
His embrace always sudden, also the same. a bout of feelings he chooses not to control, and I never watch out for, taking me by surprise, for in reality they shouldn't exist. He is mental and I am immersed in the role demanded of me.
I do not know how to react but to be nonchallant and flippant afterwards for I know I am to be oblivious. And like a man I leave without a backward glance. I step out of the door inviting distracting thoughts of the immnesly important things I must do. And like a man I promise nothing. But I have been cought with feminine glimpses of me, I have seen them in his eyes and crooked, knowing smile.My frailties.
Chaos brought on by his kisss. I do not know who is to blame. Him even though mentally controlled, he is physically transperant. Me for bieng humanly attuned to men and not taking their moments for granted. Good god where is my detachment?
posted by pstpst at 10:10 AM
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